Emotions – Bottle Service

A Look on the Bright Side: A Few Benefits to Having a Baby While in College

Me on Instagram: Made cupcakes w the kids, love them so much. Me for real: YOU’RE GETTING EGGSHELLS IN THE BATTER JESUS CHRIST LET ME DO IT
Vampire Valerie

**PSA: THIS IS BY NO MEANS ENCOURAGING COLLEGE STUDENTS TO GET PREGNANT. THIS IS JUST AN ATTEMPT AT OPTIMISM FOR THOSE THAT HAPPEN TO BE IN THIS SITUATION.

So you’re in college and you’re having a baby.

Bottle service, VIP booths, sweaty dancing, nights drinking Monster in the library–they’re all gone. It’s now evenings at home, watching TV really quietly, and enjoying your child-free hour before bed.

Having a kid while you’re of traditional college age, or in college at any age, isn’t ideal. You have other commitments and responsibilities, and the general consensus is that you should probably wait to reproduce until after graduation.

But if this isn’t your reality, and you’ve come to terms with your decision to have a kid, then congrats! Here are some perks to having a child while in college:

It May Benefit Your Career

Providing you graduate from college despite your bundle of joy, you can kick start your career with the whole “having a kid” thing out of the way.

Many college graduates land their dream job at age 26/27, and then quit or take significant time off said job only a few years later, when maternity and paternity leave takes precedence to their work.

If you’ve already taken your leave before you even start your career, then it definitely won’t get in the way. And, sure, you’ll have to leave early or avoid working late to accommodate your child’s schedule–but your boss will know this before they hire you and you won’t have to pause your career in the near future.

If You’re of Traditional College Age: You’ll Have More Energy and Be a Younger Empty Nester

If you’re having a baby at 21/22/23/24 years of age, then you’ll have more energy than you will in your 30s. This is by no means a reason to have a child this young, but it’s definitely a perk if you so happen to be in this situation.

Toddlers are exhausting. They run everywhere and they keep you up all night. So if dancing and cramming your days away is second nature already, then this may benefit you.

Likewise, if you have a baby at 22, then by 40, you will be an empty-nester. This means you will be young and active enough to enjoy life after your children leave home. You will have another lifetime to enjoy your grandchildren, and (maybe, hopefully) early retirement.

It May Motivate You

This is a highly subjective benefit, but a potential perk nonetheless.

For some college students, wondering aimlessly through their general ed with no purpose and no direction, having a kid may be motivating.

When you have a new human to pay for, paying for random college credits may no longer seems as enticing. You have to knuckle down, do well, and graduate as fast as possible. This may be the incentive you need.

A Few Perks and a LOT Of Challenges

Swapping out formula bottle service for champagne on ice (this is a thing now?) is not easy. You should take whatever precautions you can to avoid that.

But if you’ve made a decision, and you’re met with constant negativity, there is no shame in looking on the bright side. For what it’s worth, champagne on the rocks is not good. Not at all. So you’re not missing out on much.

When Gaining a Baby Means Losing a Friend

Parenthood is the scariest hood you will ever go through
Anonymous

Sometimes, having a baby means losing a friend.

The harsh reality is that not everyone loves, or even likes, kids. And when you become a parent, your baby becomes your entire life, so it’s difficult to reconcile your new universe with a friend who wants no part of it.

If you’re in college, you may lose more than one friend. You may find yourself at odds with your entire friendship group. If you can’t party, you can’t drink, you can’t even relate to the relationship drama or meaningless conversations about a “future” you’re no longer working towards–then you may get left out.

It’s annoying; but it’s a new reality. You may no longer have as much in common with your friends as you once did, and no matter how many times you watch their Instagram stories and stew with jealousy, this won’t change.

The great thing about becoming a parent, however, is that you can relate to a whole group of people.

And there’s no better way to make friends than to have your kid do it for you. Play groups, story-times, events at daycare, random outings to the park. There are so many opportunities for you to meet moms and dads who you click with, and can relate to, for the rest of your life.

If your friends stick by you, then this is a testament to your friendship and the strength of your relationship. But if you just had a baby, and your friends are MIA, know that you’re not alone. As soon as your kid can play nice, he’ll start matchmaking for you.

FIY there are also “dating apps” designed to link up parents, like Peanut!

[OPINION] Frustrated and Overtired: Persevering with School (and Work and Life) When you Have a Baby

“The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.”
Lane Olinghouse

If you’re looking to feel bad about yourself, as a parent or in general, then you may consider turning to social media.

Instagram feeds are riddled with parents posing with their adorable kids, in their clean houses, sharing meaningful moments you just can’t imagine ~~fabricating~~ experiencing yourself.

Your house may be messy, your kids may be overtired, your experiences (fart jokes, throwing food, wearing diapers on your head) may not be picture-worthy.

Parenting is a messy, tired affair. At some point, you’re almost guaranteed to find yourself at an impasse, wondering if pursuing your degree is really worth the added stress that being a parent already presents. You may sit there, in a blazer, now covered in vomit, wondering if your career is really worth the extra hassle.

Parenting is also a juggling act, and you’re likely to drop multiple balls at some point. Quitting your future plans for your kid can provide temporary relief, but it can also lead to resentment, and psychiatrists are of the opinion that this can be detrimental to your children.

According to Robert Firestone, p.h.D at Psychology Today, “Parents’ good intentions are not a substitute for nurturing love, which can only be provided by a psychologically healthy and independent adult.”

Leaving school, or your job, to care for your kid may seem like the best thing to do in the moment. It’s stressful; you’re tired. But your good intentions are not a substitute for loving your child, which, in Dr. Firestone’s opinion, requires you to be both healthy and independent.

So next time you look at social media, and feel an overwhelming sense of guilt that you’re not spending every waking hour with baby; next time you’re too tired to finish your coursework or email your boss– remember that being an independent and fulfilled adult is what helps you love them most. Finishing that degree, pursuing your dream career, will help you get there.

Loving your kids is your one job, so allow yourself the tools to do it well.

How to Keep Calm for Your Kid

It’s like no one in my family appreciates that I stayed up all night overthinking for them.
Anonymous

Anxiety is contagious, and parenting truly teaches you how porous babies can be.

Children are sponges, and this is most evident when your child’s first word is “f*ck”, or when your baby learns to point the remote at the TV before he learns to clap.

And while leading by example can be truly rewarding, and your mini-me following your every cue is extremely endearing at times, what happens when your kids absorb your emotions too?

What happens when life becomes extremely difficult to cope with, in times of grief, panic or fear, and you need to protect your children from your emotions? How, you may ask, do you keep calm for your kids?

It’s virtually impossible to hide stress from your children, and your kids witnessing a certain level of anxiety is normal. The first step, when dealing with any emotion, is acceptance. Stress is expected. You’re in college, you’re in the workforce (or will be soon), and most importantly you are tasked with keeping another human alive despite all your failed attempts at resuscitating plants. Accept your anxiety, but then try to manage it.

Practicing Stress Management, according to Child Mind Institute, is an excellent way to manage strees and prevent passing it onto your kids. Exercise, therapy, a hobby, meds. There are many ways to manage your stress that will ultimately benefit your mental health, and prevent you from passing your anxieties onto your children.

Sometimes, if your anxiety has a causal or situational relationship to something tangible (*cough* Covid-19 *cough*) then it may be worth cutting yourself off from triggers or any mention of the subject for a brief moment (while remaining abreast of the clear facts) as you learn to manage your stress.

Leading by Example is also an effective strategy when dealing with anxiety or virtually any parenting domain. For example, Child Mind Institute suggests that if you learn methods of tolerating stress, then it may be worth vocalizing them to your kids (providing they are at the stage where they can understand). If you are rationalizing your thoughts, for instance, then you may encourage your kids to rationalize too. “There’s no reason to be scared because…A…B…but it’s okay if you feel that way anyway.”

Most of all, when learning to keep calm for your kids, it’s important that you understand that asking for help is okay and sometimes necessary. If life is just too much, don’t hesitate to reach out to a friend or a professional. And if your kid needs to whine for a moment (in a secured play area) while you take a few minutes to yourself, to call a friend or to lie in a dark room, then that’s okay too. You’re doing your best; things will get better soon.

Here’s an an extra resource for stressful times: https://www.samhsa.gov/disaster-preparedness