[OPINION] Frustrated and Overtired: Persevering with School (and Work and Life) When you Have a Baby

“The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.”

Lane Olinghouse

If you’re looking to feel bad about yourself, as a parent or in general, then you may consider turning to social media.

Instagram feeds are riddled with parents posing with their adorable kids, in their clean houses, sharing meaningful moments you just can’t imagine fabricating experiencing yourself.

Your house may be messy, your kids may be overtired, your experiences (fart jokes, throwing food, wearing diapers on your head) may not be picture-worthy.

Parenting is a messy, tired affair. At some point, you’re almost guaranteed to find yourself at an impasse, wondering if pursuing your degree is really worth the added stress that being a parent already presents. You may sit there, in a blazer, now covered in vomit, wondering if your career is really worth the extra hassle.

Parenting is also a juggling act, and you’re likely to drop multiple balls at some point. Quitting your future plans for your kid can provide temporary relief, but it can also lead to resentment, and psychiatrists are of the opinion that this can be detrimental to your children.

According to Robert Firestone, p.h.D at Psychology Today, “Parents’ good intentions are not a substitute for nurturing love, which can only be provided by a psychologically healthy and independent adult.”

Leaving school, or your job, to care for your kid may seem like the best thing to do in the moment. It’s stressful; you’re tired. But your good intentions are not a substitute for loving your child, which, in Dr. Firestone’s opinion, requires you to be both healthy and independent.

So next time you look at social media, and feel an overwhelming sense of guilt that you’re not spending every waking hour with baby; next time you’re too tired to finish your coursework or email your boss– remember that being an independent and fulfilled adult is what helps you love them most. Finishing that degree, pursuing your dream career, will help you get there.

Loving your kids is your one job, so allow yourself the tools to do it well.