It’s like no one in my family appreciates that I stayed up all night overthinking for them.
Anonymous
Anxiety is contagious, and parenting truly teaches you how porous babies can be.
Children are sponges, and this is most evident when your child’s first word is “f*ck”, or when your baby learns to point the remote at the TV before he learns to clap.
And while leading by example can be truly rewarding, and your mini-me following your every cue is extremely endearing at times, what happens when your kids absorb your emotions too?
What happens when life becomes extremely difficult to cope with, in times of grief, panic or fear, and you need to protect your children from your emotions? How, you may ask, do you keep calm for your kids?
It’s virtually impossible to hide stress from your children, and your kids witnessing a certain level of anxiety is normal. The first step, when dealing with any emotion, is acceptance. Stress is expected. You’re in college, you’re in the workforce (or will be soon), and most importantly you are tasked with keeping another human alive despite all your failed attempts at resuscitating plants. Accept your anxiety, but then try to manage it.
Practicing Stress Management, according to Child Mind Institute, is an excellent way to manage strees and prevent passing it onto your kids. Exercise, therapy, a hobby, meds. There are many ways to manage your stress that will ultimately benefit your mental health, and prevent you from passing your anxieties onto your children.
Sometimes, if your anxiety has a causal or situational relationship to something tangible (*cough* Covid-19 *cough*) then it may be worth cutting yourself off from triggers or any mention of the subject for a brief moment (while remaining abreast of the clear facts) as you learn to manage your stress.
Leading by Example is also an effective strategy when dealing with anxiety or virtually any parenting domain. For example, Child Mind Institute suggests that if you learn methods of tolerating stress, then it may be worth vocalizing them to your kids (providing they are at the stage where they can understand). If you are rationalizing your thoughts, for instance, then you may encourage your kids to rationalize too. “There’s no reason to be scared because…A…B…but it’s okay if you feel that way anyway.”
Most of all, when learning to keep calm for your kids, it’s important that you understand that asking for help is okay and sometimes necessary. If life is just too much, don’t hesitate to reach out to a friend or a professional. And if your kid needs to whine for a moment (in a secured play area) while you take a few minutes to yourself, to call a friend or to lie in a dark room, then that’s okay too. You’re doing your best; things will get better soon.
Here’s an an extra resource for stressful times: https://www.samhsa.gov/disaster-preparedness
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